He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
