I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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