i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
