it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
