Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
