I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
