i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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