She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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