the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
