My nipple is on Facebook.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Randomize
