i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize