you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
