i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
