yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Randomize
