I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
