I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
