woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
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I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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