If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
