my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Randomize
