you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
