he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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