New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
