At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
