My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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