come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
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