Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
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