don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Randomize
