I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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