Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
