Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
