you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
