I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
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