I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
