Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
