You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
