yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
