Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
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