So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
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He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
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I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
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