ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Randomize
