that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
