please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
