if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
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