Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am midnight drunk by noon
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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