My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
