I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
