ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Randomize