God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
