I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
