I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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