if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Randomize
