When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
