Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize