No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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