She's JV to your varsity
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
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