Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
This gyro tastes like lonliness
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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