he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
