Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
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