you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
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