Where did you get a picture of my penis
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I DEMAND FORESKIN
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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