He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
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