There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I just found a bag of teeth...
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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