just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
