He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
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