I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Randomize
