yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
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Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
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5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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