i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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