i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Randomize
