I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Randomize
