if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
