I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
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