If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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