I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Send help, water and tortillas.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
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