i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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